Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
