Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
