im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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