it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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