I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
