the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
