my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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