you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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