If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
