I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
