very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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