I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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