Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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