I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
