did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
