You made me cry and you don't even care
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
