I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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