forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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