it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
