You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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