my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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