She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
accomplished twins. life is a go
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
