The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
