I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
