New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
