So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize