My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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