I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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