I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
