The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
