So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
