she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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