OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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