I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
