Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
