And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
