Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
