my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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