We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
