Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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