i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
