i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
