told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
