i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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