me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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