I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
