A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
