guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize