I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
