fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
