Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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