how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
