The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
