Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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