According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
