The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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